The Clearing - Honest Conversations For Men In Midlife.

From Fighter Pilot to Therapist: Challenging Career Stereotypes - Pod 11

Picture the scene. Someone at a party says they're a fighter pilot. The room lights up. Now imagine telling that same room you zigzagged from tennis coach to massage therapist to men's health specialist — via art college and a European Business degree. Different reaction. Same value. Very different story.
In this episode, Matt and Karl challenge the unspoken hierarchy we've all absorbed around what counts as a impressive job, a meaningful career, or a "proper" path. Karl's unconventional route into men's health — dismissed by friends and family as a hobby that would never pay — sits at the heart of a conversation that asks why we rank careers, where that instinct comes from, and what it costs us when we wrap our identity too tightly around a job title.
Matt and Karl explore the performative culture around status and work, the tribal roots of professional hierarchy, the midlife moment when the label you've spent decades earning starts to feel hollow, and what it actually means to do work that fits who you are — not who you were told to be.
Topics covered in this episode include: career stereotypes and the hierarchy of "wow factor" jobs, identity and work, zigzag versus linear career paths, label gathering and title climbing, the identity void of retirement and transitions, and why "I'm between jobs" still sounds like an apology.
Thought-provoking, honest, and occasionally very funny.
The Clearing is a space for men navigating the questions that don't come with easy answers.
We would love to hear from you, with your practices, and/or any questions you might have around self care.
 
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The Praise Muscle: Why Compliments Feel Clunky (And How to Fix That)

We're wired for negativity. It kept us alive on the savannah, and it's keeping us stuck in our relationships today — noticing every open cupboard door, every pair of shoes left out, while the good stuff slides right off us like a fried egg on a non-stick pan.
In this episode, Matt and Karl get into the other side of the feedback conversation: what happens when we stop just tolerating the people we love and actually start seeing them again.
From a plate of food arriving unannounced at a desk, to complimenting a stranger on his trousers, to finally saying why you're grateful rather than just muttering "cheers" — this is about building the muscle of explicit appreciation. It turns out it's awkward at first. It turns out it's also worth it.
Plus: the Harvard study that proves talking to strangers on trains makes your day better, the Nine Whys method applied to a dinner gesture, and why Karl can't bring himself to compliment another man's aftershave.
 
The Clearing — a space for men navigating questions without easy answers.
We would love to hear from you, with your practices, and/or any questions you might have around self care.
 
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The Conversation That Might Sting (And Why You Should Have It Anyway)

In episode nine, Matt and Karl return after an Easter break and continue their multi-week series on relationships, building on themes from a recent men’s gathering about self-care, boundaries, and negotiating personal time away from family.
They discuss how partners can manage encroachment on agreed “me time,” including setting expectations and using an emergency phrase for genuine escalations.
They then explore a feedback framework from Terry Real’s book "Fierce Intimacy," emphasising asking permission to give feedback, reaffirming love and commitment, separating behaviour from identity, and presenting a partner’s “core negative image” with supporting examples and emotional impact.
Matt describes doing the exercise with his wife during a car journey, including processing traits like messiness and rudeness, avoiding retaliation, and closing with a “core positive image” to restore balance, noting the need for time, safety, and sometimes professional support.
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The Clearing — a space for men navigating questions without easy answers.
We would love to hear from you, with your practices, and/or any questions you might have around self care.
 
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What My Wife Said That I Couldn't Walk Past - Menopause, Men and Showing Up.

It's the spring equinox, and something shifts. Not just in the season — in the direction of the podcast. Karl opens with something his wife said to him that he couldn't brush past. Four words, quietly devastating, that cracked open a conversation he didn't know he needed to have. It's not a crisis story. It's a human one.
Matt and Karl use this episode to launch a 12-week season on relationships — with our partners, our families, the world, and ourselves. They start where it's most immediate and most personal: the menopause. Not as experts. Not with answers. As two midlife men trying to show up better for the women around them, and honest about how much they still don't know.
In this episode, Matt and Karl explore:
Why the spring equinox felt like the right moment to commit to a season-long theme
Karl's blog post about his wife Nicole — and the conversation it started
What it means for men to "hold space" without making it about themselves
Matt's own writing on perimenopause — and why every word felt loaded
The history of damaging medical language around menopause, and why it still matters
The difference between managing change and celebrating it
What Karl learned from speaking with pelvic health experts Sandy Hilton and Hillary Lewin
How to be present for something you can never fully understand
This is a season about relationships. It starts here — messy, real, and worth showing up for.
Click here to download our FREE Menopause PDF handout and/or the audio guide.
 
 
The Clearing — a space for men navigating questions without easy answers.
We would love to hear from you, with your practices, and/or any questions you might have around self care.
 
 
 
Email us at matt@theclearing.life
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Who Are You When You Can't Do the Things That Define You?

In this honest episode, Matt returns to the mic 16 days after undergoing complex surgery — and shares what recovery has actually looked, felt and smelled like from the inside.
This isn't a polished post-op update. It's a real-time account of what happens when a capable, active man has his usual coping strategies stripped away — the running, the swimming, the sauna — and has to sit with uncertainty, discomfort, and a bathroom routine that takes an hour.
Matt and Karl explore the identity challenges of operating at 50% in a culture that demands 150%, the unexpected revelation sparked by a friend's throwaway remark about grumpiness, and the strange dopamine loops that fill the vacuum when movement disappears. They also reflect on what it means to carry pain quietly for 16 years — normalising it, masking it, adapting around it — and what it might feel like to finally put it down.
Topics covered in this episode include: post-surgical recovery and pain management, the identity toll of chronic and acute pain, coping strategies and digital dopamine loops, self-compassion and showing up at reduced capacity, workplace culture and stoicism in men, and the unexpected wisdom of a five-year-old at a skate park.
A thoughtful, funny and genuinely useful conversation — wherever you are on your own journey.
 
We would love to hear from you, with your practices, and/or any questions you might have around self care.
 
Email us at matt@theclearing.life
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Your Brain Is Lying to You About What's Coming

In Episode 6 of The Clearing Podcast, Matt and Karl start with the realities of half-term chaos (and the small wins of kids becoming a little more independent)… before moving into something many of us recognise:
"The fear of what’s coming next."
When we look to the future, there’s the exciting stuff — trips, learning new skills, time away. But there’s also the heavier stuff: health concerns, paperwork, money stress, relationships, responsibility… and the mind’s tendency to jump straight to worst-case scenarios.
This episode explores:
Why we catastrophise (and how quickly it escalates)
How uncertainty fuels panic — especially with medical symptoms and online doom-scrolling
What it looks like to “make the frog smaller” by breaking big problems into manageable steps
How to start with the easiest first step (one sentence, one phone call, one action)
A real-time look at somatic awareness: holding stress in the body while also noticing lightness and ease
Why you don’t have to face the dragons alone — and how asking for support can be a strength, not a failure
From health anxiety and surgery fears, to HMRC triggers and life admin loops,  Matt and Karl explore practical ways to widen the lens, down-regulate the nervous system, and move forward without being swallowed by the story your mind is writing.
If you’ve got something looming — a decision, a diagnosis, a conversation, a deadline — this one is for you.
 
We would love to hear from you, with your practices, and/or any questions you might have around self care.
 
Email us at matt@theclearing.life
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Rest Isn't Weakness. Running On Empty Is.

In Episode 5 of The Clearing Podcast, Matt and Karl pick up on a thread from last week’s real-time check-in and follow it deeper: self-care.
We explore a version that shows up in small choices, tiny rituals, and honest trade-offs — especially when life is busy, relationships are demanding, and your bandwidth is shrinking.
What you can expect in this episode:
Why self-care is best understood as an investment (rather than an indulgence.)
The difference between solo self-care and social self-care.
The “battery charge” metaphor — and what burnout looks like when output exceeds input.
How guilt and productivity culture can sabotage rest.
Why self-care must resonate with YOU (even if that involves skateboards.)
A simple weekly exercise: the 120-hour audit + checking your screen time.
And two daily prompts to help build a self care practice.
 
This episode is an invitation to stay curious, stay practical, and make self-care doable — without turning it into another task you might feel overwhelmed by.
We would love to hear from you, with your practices, and/or any questions you might have around self care.
 
Email us at matt@theclearing.life
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What Happens When You Actually Answer Truthfully

In Episode 4, Matt and Karl do a real-time Clearing check-in.
After Episode 3’s conversation about check-ins (moving from “Yeah, I'm alright mate” to the deep dive), this episode explores a real life example of a check in — a candid, insight into what they’re bringing into the space before “Clearing business” begins.
Karl shares a week of solo parenting while his wife is away on a yoga retreat, including the messy, hilarious, and serious realities of school dynamics, boundaries, and those unexpected “grown-up” questions kids can throw at you. The conversation turns toward what it means to meet your child with curiosity, consequence, and connection — instead of pure punishment.
Matt checks in on a week of work pressure, the value (and vulnerability) of feeling like you’re adding value, and the importance of building pressure valves that aren’t alcohol. Dry January becomes dry February, and the conversation opens up into habit change, replacement behaviours, and how clarity can sometimes demand change.
They also talk about play — why we lose it as we "grow up", why we need it, and how reclaiming it (yes, even via skateboarding at 56) can be a serious act of self-care.
Finally, they look forward: longer days, writing, travel, family moments, upcoming Clearing gatherings, and building “Clearing Codes” — small fibres of clarity you can carry into daily life.
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These podcasts are an invitation to reflect, not a set of answers.
We would love to know if the content resonates with you - How did you feel about this deeper dive into "checking in?" Do you have anyone you could do this with? Would you like to be involved in some of the check ins we do?
Let us know.
Email us at matt@theclearing.life
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What's Actually Behind The Phrase "I'm Fine"

In this episode of The Clearing, Matt and Karl explore the simple question that often isn’t simple at all: “How are you?”
Drawing on Karl’s work with men living with chronic pain and their own experiences in men’s gatherings, they unpack how rarely men truly check in — with themselves, with partners, with friends, and with their wider community. So often the exchange stops at “I’m fine”, and the conversation moves on.
This episode looks at what happens when we go a little further.
Matt and Karl talk about:
Why many men struggle to communicate what’s really going on
The difference between a surface check-in and a meaningful one
When it is (and isn’t) the right time to go deeper
How structured check-ins work in gatherings and circles
The role of listening, space, and simple curiosity
Checking in with partners, colleagues, and ourselves
They share practical examples from The Clearing, including the P.I.E.S. framework (psychological/physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual), and reflect on how speaking things out loud — even briefly — can bring clarity, relief, and connection.
The conversation also touches on the quiet ways men signal that something isn’t right, the tendency to protect others by staying silent, and how small, honest moments of inquiry can open the door to something more real.
This is Part 1 of a two-part exploration.In the next episode, Matt and Karl turn the lens inward and check in with themselves.
An invitation to pause.To ask a better question.And to listen for the answer beneath “I’m fine.”
 
These podcasts are an invitation to reflect, not a set of answers.
We would love to know if this resonates with you - what is your response when someone asks "How are you?" Do you "check in" with your mates? And how might you do this to dive a little deeper?
 
Email us at matt@theclearing.life
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The Cruelest Voice In The Room Is Yours

Episode 2 – Kindness: capacity, boundaries, and the voices in our heads
In this episode of The Clearing, Matt and Karl sit down to talk about kindness — a lived, limited, and deeply human capacity. Where there is opportunity, and perhaps where we all need some guidance and compassion.
The conversation begins with kindness towards others: small, instinctive acts, moments of noticing, and the question of whether society is becoming more closed, guarded, or fatigued. From there, it moves into something harder to name — the cost of kindness, the need for boundaries, and what happens when we give everything away and have nothing left for the people closest to us.
A central thread in this episode is self-kindness. Matt and Karl explore:
How we talk to ourselves when things go wrong
The first and the second voice, drawing on the 2 arrows approach 
Why many men can be brutally unkind to themselves
Capacity, burnout, and emotional fatigue
Boundaries at work, at home, and internally
Parenting, partnership, and showing up with what’s left in the tank
They reflect on real examples — family life, work, falling off a skateboard — and unpack how small practices, honest conversations, and intentional pauses can slowly rewire how we treat ourselves and others.
This isn’t about a boundless ability to be nice.It’s about learning when to stop, when to centre yourself, and how to cultivate enough kindness — inwardly and outwardly — to live with more clarity, joy, and presence.
 
These podcasts are an invitation to reflect, not a set of answers.
We would love to hear how you navigate kindness in your life - what examples can you share with us and the audience?
 
Email us at matt@theclearing.life
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